He took the long way home.

Never made it to work today. Barely made it off the couch. The Lyme disease hit some high notes and the worst part was realizing I ran out of meds yesterday. Not a smart plan when the difference between being physically able to leave the house and remaining immobilized is a small handful of pharmaceuticals. Sort of a Catch 22 - I need to get to the drug store, but I can't get to the drug store, but I must get to the drug store . . . well, you get the picture. And so verily I limped by on a few Advil -- strong enough to allow for a series of semi-comfortable positions, not strong enough to allow for comfortable movement. I have found that as the day stretches on to put distance between me and my morning Lyme treatment, and is combined with a gallon or two of water, things improve a small bit. So off I set a half hour before the pharmacy closed to pick up the much needed medications.

I sat in the car at the Giant parking lot preparing to go in, praying very specifically which I am careful to do. I asked God to please get me to the pharmacy counter, allow me to pick everything up and get me back to the car; all without having anything embarrassing happen (which frequently does). Prescriptions in hand I made my feeble way back to the car, calling for grace to make every step possible, grateful the trip was no farther. What blazed its way into my imagination was that long ago walk down the Via Dolorosa by a brutally beaten, flawlessly perfect, carpenter.

I grew mesmeried trying to understand and relate to the pain Jesus experienced the day he fulfilled his Father's plan of salvation for us. I stumbled along in tears at this point reflecting on his broken and bleeding body; the exhaustion that had to surge through every solitary cell; his hunger; his shame; being mercilessly mocked by those he came to set free and stripped of all we think displays humanity. I can't explore the depths of those sufferings. None of us adequately can. Not on this side of the grave, anyway. And I'm not inclined to think that even in death we will get to the extent of it. In light of all this, how can one not ask the $64,000,000 question.

WHY?

Love.

Mind-bending, gut-wrenching, heart-changing, universe altering - LOVE. Love that conquers pain. It conquers failure and sin and yes, death. It goes to hell and back. Love that makes the kind of sacrifice only God could bear and does it in the body of a human with all the frailties and limitations that entails. I know in the past I have thought - but he was God - surely that was how he could do it. And indeed that is the truth. No mortal creature, man or woman could or would endure it. Except one. One that felt no less physical pain than we would have felt. One that knew a degree of emotional hemorrhaging we can't imagine. And One that experienced spiritual loss we can scarcely scratch the surface of. Let those truths absorb for a moment. He carried out the plan of the immortal God in a mortal container. He was more fully human than we will ever know, while at the same time being fully God. And he did it without one whiff of regret or moment of remorse. Not when the answer came that there was no other way. He never, ever flinched. He even refused the opportunity while on the cross to take the edge off with a form of painkiller. Now that is seriously some "I'm crazy about you, will go to the ends of the earth for you, and move every mountain out of your way love" that I just have to honor by spending the rest of my life wrapping my mind around and soaking in.

I want to remember this hallmark of love every single time I am tempted to think God does not understand my pain. Oh he gets it all right - he gets it plenty. And God never goes halfway. Comprehensively to the fullest extent on every single promise. Oh dear ones strain to reach for the truth that He loves you! Furiously, passionately, completely. Every single moment of every single day covering every single facet. He left nothing out.

He took the long way home.

Verses for a lifetime:

Ephesians 3:17(b)-19 (NIV)

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Romans 8:34-35, 38-39 (The Message)

The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripure . . . . I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

1st Corinthians 13:8 (NIV)

Love never fails.

Correct me if I'm wrong . . . .

The end of a very difficult day. Why? Many reasons. The biggest being that I have received some unpleasant (and wholeheartedly unsolicited!) correction from God that I would much rather ignore. The least being that it's really late and instead of writing this post I would prefer to sink into the indulgent cream-filled oblivion of a mindless tv sitcom.

I have a punctuality problem. I was late to work today. . . again -- as was brought to my attention rather unceremoniously. Sure there are days when lateness is unavoidable - things you don't anticipate. Today's, however, was not caused by unseen obstacles but by my lack of planning for difficulties already known to exist. This is not a new problem. It has, however, sparked a much bigger dialog.

The mechanics of Correction.

Discipline, alteration, modification, rectification, improvement, adjustment, amendment, tweak - whatever name you call it - it leads to the same end. The decision you made or are making does not lead to a good destination, which, once brought to your attention, begs another choice; change your direction or continue on and suffer consequences.

I must admit when I get a course correction from God, I desire it be administered in an easily digestible form: have someone point it out in a kind and sensitive manner; have God gently nudge me through His word; develop a slight sensitivity to the wrongdoing through the Spirit. There was nothing soft and furry about today's flaw highlight, marching me to the conclusion that I missed "gentle" the first 792 times this was brought to my attention, thereby leading to the sound baseball bat thump I received instead. In the case of planning and punctuality, correction has popped its unsightly head out so many times (only to be hammer smacked down) that it resembles a Whack-a-Mole machine. All ultimately expending much more energy than simply listening would have produced. But like most people, I've discovered I do not like it one bit when truth stares me in the face and pokes me in the eye.

And so the next part of the equation presents itself. My response. If one is willng to look, God clues us in to the mechanics of this cause and effect over and over in His word.

Proverbs 15:10 - Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die. (Bam!)

Deuteronomy 30:19 - This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. (Pow!)

(And my personal favorite)
Proverbs 12:1 - Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. (Whammo! and Ouch!)

And those are just a few. Criminy, Deuteronomy 30 in its entirety paints a wall-sized mural of this lesson. Batman sound effects aside, though, the warning is clear - choose carefully which path to go skipping merrily down. All rambling procrastinations aside, this begs for me to stop a minute and percolate. Why is my habit to be so stubborn? What prevents me from recognizing these lessons (or flaws) when they present themselves?

The first and most obvious dynamic is I don't want to fix whatever it is. Often I know very well I am choosing the Highway to Hell on-ramp, usually while singing AC/DC at the top of my lungs. Root Cause No. 1: Open rebellion. Foolish choice. God has promised consequences are coming. Getting to the root of this behavior has - without exception - uncovered my mistrust of God and his character as its source. I either (1) want something I think God the cosmic killjoy is holding back from me (sound familiar Eve?), or (2) believe he really doesn't love me enough to give me whatever it is so I have to get it myself. Getting to the core of this lie is the key to melting my defiance.

The second root of stubborness is I alone can't fix it. When it comes to tardiness (as with many other bad behaviors and habits), I have tried to change countless hundreds of times and failed miserably. I have to ask God for help. Root Cause No. 2: Control. I have it and need to let go of it. This little seesaw goes up and down constantly. I am optimistic that having refused to give up the driver seat, thus careening over the embankment, so many times now, letting go of the steering wheel is becoming more natural. (Relax beltway drivers, strictly an illustration.)

I have to be finished digging, right? Not quite. In my musings, I stumbled upon a positively unsightly little tumor. I refuse to change or obey because I've convinced myself I am above the law. That's right - a sense of entitlement. Root Cause No. 3: Privilege. That heartfelt belief that everyone else has to follow the rules, but I am exempt. Whoa! Suddenly I am the Queen of England. Not an endearing personality trait. No wonder I don't want to look too hard at it.

And surely there are dozens more. It's clear our heart knows as many ways to rationalize doing wrong as there are cells in our bodies. And even the few I've touched on require more in-depth study and clean-up. Aww well, so goes life. Moving through the messy business of loose ends, always unfinished; learning, growing, failing, succeeding, progressing, backsliding. Pressing on toward the goal, forgetting what lies behind. I'm sure there will be more posts to come as I wrestle with my flesh and take on the vision of who I am and who I am still to be in Christ

Verses for the day: Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message)

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.