I have recently acquired another cat. The whys and wherefores of my choice are boggling to the mind considering the fact that I am moderately to severely disabled with m.s. Maybe I was a quart low on chaos. This is not a kitten. She is a 14-year old, one-eyed cat who has had only one owner since a fluffball and lived in the same house. She's lovely and was in desperate need of a good home, and since kitties come here to be spoiled, it seemed the reasonable choice. I want to love and help her, she needs love and help.
It's been about a week now and at first things seemed to be rolling right along. She and my cat hissed a little, but nothing major and I started to feel fairly positive about the whole situation. And then . . . I came home one night this week, walked in the room and began the new ritual with the new houseguest – I bring the food, she comes out for dinner and a pet, when . . . WHAMMO – ATTACK CAT came out to play and I found that my hand had become the main course. I don't know if I rushed things with trying to integrate living spaces, or if the desperation had worn off my new charge and the fear of the unknown had settled in, but something went haywire. Contemplating the situation (as I cried and soaked my hand in hydrogen peroxide), I started to think about the picture as a whole. Here was this little fuzzy thing that had spent her entire life with one person. She had a home she knew, a territory that smelled like her and nothing was a surprise or presented any fear given her limited sight. Now here she is where NOTHING is familiar; new house, new caretaker, new sibling (that hisses and growls her welcome), new smells, news food, new litter accommodations, new, new, new, new! I can only imagine that she is terrified. Terrified and defensive and suspicious; about me, about everything.
It was then I started seeing the parallels in my relationship with God. My health seems to be deteriorating at a very rapid rate. I'm losing abilities right and left; even the simplest of chores is fading into the background; a severely diminished social calendar. A hazy, not altogether pleasant future looming ahead and I, like kitty, am terrified, defensive and suspicious. I began recollecting how many times I have bitten the hand of God recently. He is the bringer of my sustenance, my caretaker; in fact my very survival depends on Him. And yet, when I let the fear of the future, the “why me” self-pity, or the jealousy and often anger that lurks just beneath the surface directed at everyone who can do what I can't, I snap and lay it all on God – biting and scratching, kicking and screaming. “Why won't you help me?” “How can you say you love me and watch me struggle like this?” “Why won't you rescue me?” I'M SCARED!
I know with kitty it will take time. I have to prove to her I am trustworthy. I am sure I'm not much different. I stopped to consider the massive collection of times God and the love of Jesus Christ has proven they are trustworthy. My provision is whole and complete. I live in a lovely place, have the support of amazing people, have a job where they like me and I like them – a steady paycheck being a huge blessing alone in today's economy. I have health insurance, and the list goes on and on. God is present. God is living up to His promises every moment of every day. He is here with me. Whether I need guidance, protection, comfort, friendship, unconditional love, forgiveness, grace. He offers them all and more with overflowing hands.
My responsibility is to constantly remind myself of that truth through His word and His actions, so that when the waves of change and difficulty come I am filled with confidence and praise instead of fear and distrust.
Genesis 28:15 (NIV): "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Jeremiah 1:8 (NIV): "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
It's been about a week now and at first things seemed to be rolling right along. She and my cat hissed a little, but nothing major and I started to feel fairly positive about the whole situation. And then . . . I came home one night this week, walked in the room and began the new ritual with the new houseguest – I bring the food, she comes out for dinner and a pet, when . . . WHAMMO – ATTACK CAT came out to play and I found that my hand had become the main course. I don't know if I rushed things with trying to integrate living spaces, or if the desperation had worn off my new charge and the fear of the unknown had settled in, but something went haywire. Contemplating the situation (as I cried and soaked my hand in hydrogen peroxide), I started to think about the picture as a whole. Here was this little fuzzy thing that had spent her entire life with one person. She had a home she knew, a territory that smelled like her and nothing was a surprise or presented any fear given her limited sight. Now here she is where NOTHING is familiar; new house, new caretaker, new sibling (that hisses and growls her welcome), new smells, news food, new litter accommodations, new, new, new, new! I can only imagine that she is terrified. Terrified and defensive and suspicious; about me, about everything.
It was then I started seeing the parallels in my relationship with God. My health seems to be deteriorating at a very rapid rate. I'm losing abilities right and left; even the simplest of chores is fading into the background; a severely diminished social calendar. A hazy, not altogether pleasant future looming ahead and I, like kitty, am terrified, defensive and suspicious. I began recollecting how many times I have bitten the hand of God recently. He is the bringer of my sustenance, my caretaker; in fact my very survival depends on Him. And yet, when I let the fear of the future, the “why me” self-pity, or the jealousy and often anger that lurks just beneath the surface directed at everyone who can do what I can't, I snap and lay it all on God – biting and scratching, kicking and screaming. “Why won't you help me?” “How can you say you love me and watch me struggle like this?” “Why won't you rescue me?” I'M SCARED!
I know with kitty it will take time. I have to prove to her I am trustworthy. I am sure I'm not much different. I stopped to consider the massive collection of times God and the love of Jesus Christ has proven they are trustworthy. My provision is whole and complete. I live in a lovely place, have the support of amazing people, have a job where they like me and I like them – a steady paycheck being a huge blessing alone in today's economy. I have health insurance, and the list goes on and on. God is present. God is living up to His promises every moment of every day. He is here with me. Whether I need guidance, protection, comfort, friendship, unconditional love, forgiveness, grace. He offers them all and more with overflowing hands.
My responsibility is to constantly remind myself of that truth through His word and His actions, so that when the waves of change and difficulty come I am filled with confidence and praise instead of fear and distrust.
Genesis 28:15 (NIV): "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Jeremiah 1:8 (NIV): "Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
